Lame Joke Thread

[bryson]

What did the nut say as it was chasing the other nut?


I'm a cashew.

 

[Kevin B.]

Kevin you are crushing the lame jokes! Keep em coming.

A man's gotta be good at something.

 

[bryson]

A man's gotta be good at something.

And you can cook!

 

[TJDukit]

 

[ID Bronco]

My 9 year old asked me last night............Dad, what do you call a bear with no teeth?

I didn't know.........................a Gummy Bear

 

[BlueWolfFab]

 

[Kevin B.]

Goddammit now I'm singing it.

 

[TRD270]

What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift.

 

[Thursty]

Lawyer: My client is trapped in a penny!
Judge: What?
Lawyer: He's in a cent!
Judge: You're going to jail with him.

 

[TRD270]

Why don't crabs give to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

 

[jeeper]

A small town hillbilly went to see a big city lawyer. Hillbilly said I need to get me a de-vorce.
The lawyer asked if he had any grounds. The hillbilly replied that he had 80 acres.
The lawyer said no, no, do you have a case?
The hillbilly replied: no, we use a John Deere, but it’ll outrun any case I’ve seen.
Starting to get bothered, the lawyer asked ‘does she beat you up?’
No, I reckon that the rooster wakes us up at the same time says the hillbilly.
Listen, is she a nagger?! exclaims the lawyer
No, says the hillbilly with a straight face. ‘But that last baby she had, it was a nagger.. that’s why I want me a de-vorce!’

 

[Pile of parts]

Ok.... In this overly cautious/sensitive world, I'll admit it, I laughed at that one.

 

[bryson]

I got a job crushing pop cans.

It's soda pressing.

 

[glockman]

My 9 year old asked me last night............Dad, what do you call a bear with no teeth?

I didn't know.........................a Gummy Bear

What do you call bears without ears?




B

 

[frieed]

When does a joke become a Dad Joke?

When it becomes apparent.

 

[Kevin B.]

Why did the blind man fall into the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

 

[mesha]

Why did the blind man fall into the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

HOLY CRUD!!!
I ALMOST DIED. It isn't even that funny, but I laughed way to hard.

 

[Kevin B.]

HOLY CRUD!!!
I ALMOST DIED. It isn't even that funny, but I laughed way to hard.

I also find that one more amusing than it has any right to be.

 

[jeeper]

What did they give the man that invented the door knocker?



The no-bell prize!

 

[mesha]

What do you call a pig that can't fly?



pig