Lame Joke Thread

BlueWolfFab

Running Behind
Supporting Vendor
Location
Eagle Mountain
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

___________

What do you call a magic dog?

A "labracadabrador"

___________

Did you hear about the actor that fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

____________

Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed.

___________

What kind of music do mummies listen to?

Wrap music.

____________

Did you hear about he population in Ireland?

It's Dublin.

____________

Have you heard about the pregnant bedbug?

She's going to have her baby in the spring.

____________

How many lips does a flower have?

Tulips

____________

Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?

To make up for his miserable summer.

____________

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing

____________

Why was the picture sent to jail?

It was framed

____________

Why are dogs not good dancers?

They have two left feet

____________

I watched a documentary about beavers.

It was the best dam documentary I've ever seen.

____________

What do you call a Mexican that can't remember where he parked?

Carlos

____________

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Actually, I'm still working on it.

____________

The furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one nightstand.

____________

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says "make me one with everything"

____________

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes — *whack*... "damn!"
A skydiver goes — "damn!"... *whack*

____________

"I stand corrected" said the man wearing orthopedic shoes
 

UNSTUCK

But stuck more often.
Location
Magna
My wife says I make too many sexual innuendos and wants me to quit.

I told her I'll try but it's hard.
Funny story: I'm always making sexual innuendos to my wife in front of my kids. She always rolls her eyes or sometimes giggles. My kids never catch on. We were at a restaurant the other day when my 13 year old daughter pulled out a long french fry from her pile. She says, " wow, look how long that is" to which I reply, "that's what she said". She throws down the fry in frustration and says, "dad, you always say that and it makes no sense!"
I love the innocence of my kids. I don't think it will be around much longer though. That might makes these jokes even more funny.
 

moab_cj5

Well-Known Member
What do you call an old snowman?

Water!


Why are ghosts such bad liars?

Because you can see right through them.


Why is Santa always so happy?

He likes to live in the present!


How do you catch a whole school of fish?

With bookworms.


What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling!


Why didn’t the zombie go to school?

He felt rotten!


What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers.


Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he felt crummy.


How do mountains stay warm in winter?

Snowcaps.


Why do artists constantly feel cold?

Because they’re surrounded by drafts.


Why did the pony get sent to his room?

He wouldn’t stop horsing around.


What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.


Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze!


What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?

That hit the spot!


Why can’t a leopard hide?

Because he’s always spotted!


Why should you not let a bear operate the remote?

He will keep pressing the paws button.


What is a robot’s favorite snack?

Computer chips.


What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner is on me!


What does a nosey pepper do?

Gets jalapeño business!


Why did the banana go to the hospital?

He was peeling really bad.


Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He was looking for his buddy, Pluto.


What are the two things you can’t have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.


Where do you learn to make banana splits?

At sundae school.


What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don’t take me for granite!


What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

A stega-snore-us.


Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels!


What bone will a dog never eat?

A Trombone.


Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

To eat the chickens on the other side.


Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?

Lack of concentration.


When will the little snake arrive?

I don’t know, but he won’t be long.

What’s the biggest moth in the world?

A mammoth.


What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?

A bunny ribbit.


What type of markets do dogs avoid?

Flea markets!


What do music and chickens have in common?

Bach, Bach, Bach!


Why aren’t dogs good dancers?

They have two left feet.


What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A do-you-think-he-saw-us.


What did one penny say to another penny?

We make cents.


What kind of lion never roars?

A dandelion!


Why did the clock go to the principal’s office?

For tocking too much.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash!


What do you call a funny mountain?

Hill-arious.


Why did the man run around his bed?

He was trying to catch up on sleep!


Why do dragons sleep during the day?

So they can fight knights!


Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?

Because she’s always running away from the ball.


What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt!


Why is the grass so dangerous?

It’s full of blades.


Why is it so windy inside a sports arena?

All those fans.


Why did the student eat his homework?

Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake!


What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.
 

Omgbecki

Well-Known Member
Location
Ogden
A priest walks into a bar.

The nun asks him if it hurt
 
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