Lame Joke Thread

[glockman]

My viagra addiction was the hardest thing I've ever overcome.


Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He needed some space.


My wife said I'm terrible in bed.

That's a harsh judgment to make in such a short amount of time.

 

[Spork]

I was going to make alligator for dinner tonight, but all I have is a croc pot.

 

[STAG]

What do a pornstar and @Hickey have in common? They both get paid by the load

 

[Hickey]

What do a pornstar and @Hickey have in common? They both get paid by the load

Oh no, quite the opposite. Miles are 2/3rds of my pay, so I love a ton of miles. No one loves a pornstar with a ton of miles.

 

[Gravy]

*husband rubs his neck painfully*
"Babe, my neck is so stiff it hurts"

*Wife rubs his neck compassionately*
"What happened babe?"

Husband "I swallowed a Viagra and it got stuck in my throat."

 

[Pile of parts]

In honor of May the 4th..

Why did they release Star Wars episodes 4, 5 and 6 before episodes 1, 2 and 3?



In charge of the schedule Yoda was.

 

[UNSTUCK]

I have a step ladder now. My real ladder left when I was a kid.

 

[STAG]

I have a step ladder now. My real ladder left when I was a kid.

Last I heard, it was in the 12-step program

 

[mike thurston]

 

[STAG]

 

[STAG]

The father told his daughter, “go to bed, the cows are going to sleep in their field”

The daughter replied, “what does that have to do with me?”

Dad said “that means it’s pasture bedtime.”

 

[mike thurston]

My wife asked me to pick up 6 cans of Sprite from the store. When I got home I realized I picked 7 up.

 

[Gary T]

Why did the man fall in the well?





He didn’t see that well.

 

[glockman]

The price of dirt has really gone up.


apparently they aren't making it any more.

 

[UNSTUCK]

The price of dirt has really gone up.


apparently they aren't making it any more.

Which is really strange because there’s no less dirt today than when they first made it.

 

[STAG]

In researching this I found out there is a difference between “dirt” and “soil”.

Rocks, clay, sand and silt break down to “dirt”.

“Soil” is when it has the addition of decayed plants and animals.

#YeahImFunAtParties

 

[glockman]

In researching this I found out there is a difference between “dirt” and “soil”.

Rocks, clay, sand and silt break down to “dirt”.

“Soil” is when it has the addition of decayed plants and animals.

#YeahImFunAtParties

I expect this kind of scrutiny from "rock nerds" like DAA and Mesha but I guess I should expect it from a someone who works with "soil" too I even feel dumb talking about dirt with you people.

 

[UNSTUCK]

Will this help bring it back?

 

[jeeper]

Why do sharks live in salt water?



Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

 

[STAG]

How do you say “constipation” in German?

Färfrumpoopin