Man Jokes

rholbrook

Well-Known Member
Location
Kaysville, Ut
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!


What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.


Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..


How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.


Why do women fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care.


What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she's been told twice already.


If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.


Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sin
k.

Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.


Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.


 

Awz

Om Nom Nom Nom smack
Location
Orem
What do breasts and toy trains have in common?

They're both meant for children but the men end up playing with them.
 

mesha

By endurance we conquer
Location
A.F.
A man says to his wife, "Honey, when I die I want you to marry my cousin Steve".

Wife says, "I thought you hated Steve"?

husband says, "I do".
 

capt scotty

Active Member
Location
Riverton, Utah
who loves you more?

You put your wife and your dog in the truck of the car and wait one hour. Open the trunk and you will find out only one of them is happy to see you!!!



(I hope my wife doen't see this, she might take my dog with her when she leaves me!!!)
 

rholbrook

Well-Known Member
Location
Kaysville, Ut
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.

I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife is watching from the kitchen window,
muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'
 

Goody

Member
What do women and KFC have in common? Take out the breasts and thighs and all you have left is a box to stick your bone in.
 

rholbrook

Well-Known Member
Location
Kaysville, Ut
Bank Robber

A hooded bank robber walked into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, 'Well, did anyone else see my face?'
There were a few moments of utter silence during which everyone was plainly afraid to speak.

Then, one old cowboy tentatively raised his hand, and while keeping his head down said,'My wife got a pretty good look at you.'
 
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