Political joke thread

[chadr]

I have been receiving a ton of jokes about politics lately and thought we should have a thread dedicated to our government. Anyone that has a joke to post up, here is the place. I will start with one that I received this morning.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in DC: One is from New York, another is from Tennessee and the third, is from Florida. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.


The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. 'Well,' he says, 'I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'


The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, 'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'


The New York contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, '$2,700.'


The official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'


The New York contractor whispers back, '$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.'


'Done!' replies the government official.



**************And that, my friends, is how government contracting works!

 

[utekrawler]

 

[chadr]

Notice to All Employees

As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:

1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a 'fair shake.'

2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are 'too busy for overtime' to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

3. All top management will now be referred to as 'the government.' We will not participate in this 'pooling' experience because the law doesn't apply to us.

4. The 'government' will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging it's workers to continue to work hard 'for the good of all.'

5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's 'good to spread the wealth.' Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more 'patriotic.'


6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free foodstamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flatscreen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!

If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.

 

[ID Bronco]

I love it, just posted it on my door at work. lol