Mental health: it’s ok to talk.

[glockman]

I lost my grandmother last week. She was 91. I have zero belief in an afterlife but I find lots of comfort in the fact that she is is no longer in pain and that she lived a very full life. She will live on in my heart the rest of my life. She made a profound impact on me just by being the woman she was and also by raising the best men I've ever met to mentor me. Her husband always said, think not of my death as a tragedy but think of my life as a triumph. That has really stuck with me.

I can't imagine how hard losing both your parents would be. I totally get the desire to believe, especially in that situation.

 

[Thursty]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m no good at expressing my thoughts in these types of moments in writing so I’ll spare all from that. I will say what I feel to be true in my heart as I’ve dealt with the passing of both my parents recently as well. Your parents are together in the presence of God and you will most certainly be with them again. As Gravy said, they have claim on you forever.
I pray for peace to come to you and your family during this time.

 

[STAG]

Sorry for your loss. If anything postive out of it I would say 92 is a respectable age to make it to

I have never been “normal” I guess at processing death. I don’t feel the same emotions that other people feel and I have a habit of not looking at the person as they lay there in the casket. I don’t want to remember them like that, I try to remember them as how they looked alive. Granted I haven’t ever been there right as a loved one has died.

I don’t want to detract at all from your experiences but to just add that it’s looking like I’ll be losing my mom somewhat soon as well. 2 weeks ago she got diagnosed with stage 4 perineal cancer. She’s at the oncologist again today to see if there’s much anything they can do but it’s not sounding too hopeful. Her main tumor is about 7” in diameter and I guess it’s a kind that spreads easily. She turned 62 last month

 

[02SE]

Thanks for the comments everyone, it helps. There's a lot more to the story that I haven't shared, maybe I'll be able to do that someday. Mom had been officially diagnosed with dementia/alzheimers about 4 years ago. Most of the time she knew she was having problems with her memory, and that bothered her greatly. She was also very anxious and scared if my dad wasn't in the same room.

Dad of course knew that, and knew how difficult it would be on her if he died first. So despite his stage 4 renal cell carcinoma, he toughed it out for over 5 years, just suffering immense pain without complaint, to be here for her. He was absolutely determined to be here as long as she was, and he only missed it by a bit more than a month.

Sorry for your loss. If anything postive out of it I would say 92 is a respectable age to make it to

I have never been “normal” I guess at processing death. I don’t feel the same emotions that other people feel and I have a habit of not looking at the person as they lay there in the casket. I don’t want to remember them like that, I try to remember them as how they looked alive. Granted I haven’t ever been there right as a loved one has died.

I don’t want to detract at all from your experiences but to just add that it’s looking like I’ll be losing my mom somewhat soon as well. 2 weeks ago she got diagnosed with stage 4 perineal cancer. She’s at the oncologist again today to see if there’s much anything they can do but it’s not sounding too hopeful. Her main tumor is about 7” in diameter and I guess it’s a kind that spreads easily. She turned 62 last month

This thread isn't about just me. It's a place for anyone to talk. No need to worry you're detracting from anything. I'm am very sorry to hear what your mom is going through. I can say that I think a positive attitude makes a big difference in the outcome.

Dr. Nitin Chandramouli at the Utah Cancer Specialists never was anything but optimistic in my dads case. Indeed it was sepsis that finally got my dad. Certainly influenced by his cancer, and the chemo, but not the main cause of death.

 

[mbryson]

Thanks for the comments everyone, it helps. There's a lot more to the story that I haven't shared, maybe I'll be able to do that someday. Mom had been officially diagnosed with dementia/alzheimers about 4 years ago. Most of the time she knew she was having problems with her memory, and that bothered her greatly. She was also very anxious and scared if my dad wasn't in the same room.

Dad of course knew that, and knew how difficult it would be on her if he died first. So despite his stage 4 renal cell carcinoma, he toughed it out for over 5 years, just suffering immense pain without complaint, to be here for her. He was absolutely determined to be here as long as she was, and he only missed it by a bit more than a month.



This thread isn't about just me. It's a place for anyone to talk. No need to worry you're detracting from anything. I'm am very sorry to hear what your mom is going through. I can say that I think a positive attitude makes a big difference in the outcome.

Dr. Nitin Chandramouli at the Utah Cancer Specialists never was anything but optimistic in my dads case. Indeed it was sepsis that finally got my dad. Certainly influenced by his cancer, and the chemo, but not the main cause of death.

I don't see an appropriate smiley but I like your perspective on both your dad and your mom. A worthy goal whatever your beliefs to see a loved one through hard times like that. Sorry for your loss

 

[STAG]

The oncologist told my mom yesterday to plan on about 4-6 months left.

 

[02SE]

The oncologist told my mom yesterday to plan on about 4-6 months left.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I can't second-guess an Oncologist, but I will say that my dads first Oncologist, and a number of other doctors, gave him days to a few months at the outside in life expectancy, at the time of his diagnosis. Maybe another opinion could be good thing.

 

[STAG]

I'm sorry to hear that.

I can't second-guess an Oncologist, but I will say that my dads first Oncologist, and a number of other doctors, gave him days to a few months at the outside in life expectancy, at the time of his diagnosis. Maybe another opinion could be good thing.

When my grandpa went, they told him 2-3 months. 2 weeks later he was gone.

 

[ID Bronco]

Thanks for the comments everyone, it helps. There's a lot more to the story that I haven't shared, maybe I'll be able to do that someday. Mom had been officially diagnosed with dementia/alzheimers about 4 years ago. Most of the time she knew she was having problems with her memory, and that bothered her greatly. She was also very anxious and scared if my dad wasn't in the same room.

Dad of course knew that, and knew how difficult it would be on her if he died first. So despite his stage 4 renal cell carcinoma, he toughed it out for over 5 years, just suffering immense pain without complaint, to be here for her. He was absolutely determined to be here as long as she was, and he only missed it by a bit more than a month.



This thread isn't about just me. It's a place for anyone to talk. No need to worry you're detracting from anything. I'm am very sorry to hear what your mom is going through. I can say that I think a positive attitude makes a big difference in the outcome.

Dr. Nitin Chandramouli at the Utah Cancer Specialists never was anything but optimistic in my dads case. Indeed it was sepsis that finally got my dad. Certainly influenced by his cancer, and the chemo, but not the main cause of death.

Your Dad sounds like an amazing guy. That's some serious commitment and love. We can all learn from that example

 

[glockman]

Your Dad sounds like an amazing guy. That's some serious commitment and love. We can all learn from that example

This was my thought. How do you live a more meaningful life than to serve the person or people you love to your last day. Sounds like your father was an incredible man.

 

[Houndoc]

Found this song recently- told my son I want him to sing it at my funeral (hopefully decades away) as a message from me to those who attend.
I think the message of moving forward and making the best of of our lives is what those in of our family and friends who pass on would want for us.

 

[moab_cj5]

Found this song recently- told my son I want him to sing it at my funeral (hopefully decades away) as a message from me to those who attend.
I think the message of moving forward and making the best of of our lives is what those in of our family and friends who pass on would want for us.

Great find!

 

[JeeperG]

Figured I'd share a little something I've just recently learned about myself and my own struggles with mental health, for decades now I've had my ups and downs as I'm sure most of us have, chasing after a solution to my own depression and anxiety, antidepressants have never helped and create more problems than I want to deal with.

Thank goodness I did decide to get myself into therapy, I've done a bunch of counseling in the past but that only partially was helping. It didn't take long for my therapist to come out and say that I definitely have ADHD.

Now I am 46 and nobody has ever mentioned this outside of maybe some joking etc from siblings. I'm still a bit overwhelmed by this knowledge, I myself had my own misconceptions about it, I was never the disruptive out of control kid and no doubt the knowledge and understanding of it today is much greater than my youth.

After a phone call to my Aunt, she confirmed to me that my Dad (undiagnosed), her, my Grandpa, my cousins and now I'm assuming my siblings as well all have this to differing levels, I've got to be on a more high functioning, low to moderate scale if I had to guess but I am unsure at this point.

I still have much to learn and will continue forward with my therapist and now my doctor about where I go from here, I certainly already have a bunch of tools and good habits in place, started my day with around a 7 mile BMX ride along the weber river and probably bust out 4-5 more miles at work on foot, I'm switching over to more BMX and less strength training and at home workouts for now, maybe I'll consider switching to a mountain bike for longer rides.

This has given me a lot more hope than I previously had and as I learn more everything suddenly makes sense on what makes me, me. My behaviors, actions, inactions, coping mechanisms and habits all of it, I self medicated for a long time with alcohol because that gave me dopamine and dumbed down the racing thoughts temporarily, that contributed to other issues in itself, have not touched alcohol in over a year.

I realize even on here there is still most likely a whole lot of stigma and whatnot that this is some fake, made up issue. It most definitely is not.

I believe things happen for a reason and a series of events lead me to this and I am hoping I can move forward with a better understanding and find out what I can do to improve my future, while working on my relationships and social connections again, I've been pretty socially isolated with this truck project of mine which has been good and bad. I have a busy year coming up next year and am looking forward to hanging out with many of you, making new friends and connections.

I also hope to get my old YJ back on the road eventually as I've missed that and understand now how important that was for me to have as an option.

 

[N-Smooth]

Figured I'd share a little something I've just recently learned about myself and my own struggles with mental health, for decades now I've had my ups and downs as I'm sure most of us have, chasing after a solution to my own depression and anxiety, antidepressants have never helped and create more problems than I want to deal with.

Thank goodness I did decide to get myself into therapy, I've done a bunch of counseling in the past but that only partially was helping. It didn't take long for my therapist to come out and say that I definitely have ADHD.

Now I am 46 and nobody has ever mentioned this outside of maybe some joking etc from siblings. I'm still a bit overwhelmed by this knowledge, I myself had my own misconceptions about it, I was never the disruptive out of control kid and no doubt the knowledge and understanding of it today is much greater than my youth.

After a phone call to my Aunt, she confirmed to me that my Dad (undiagnosed), her, my Grandpa, my cousins and now I'm assuming my siblings as well all have this to differing levels, I've got to be on a more high functioning, low to moderate scale if I had to guess but I am unsure at this point.

I still have much to learn and will continue forward with my therapist and now my doctor about where I go from here, I certainly already have a bunch of tools and good habits in place, started my day with around a 7 mile BMX ride along the weber river and probably bust out 4-5 more miles at work on foot, I'm switching over to more BMX and less strength training and at home workouts for now, maybe I'll consider switching to a mountain bike for longer rides.

This has given me a lot more hope than I previously had and as I learn more everything suddenly makes sense on what makes me, me. My behaviors, actions, inactions, coping mechanisms and habits all of it, I self medicated for a long time with alcohol because that gave me dopamine and dumbed down the racing thoughts temporarily, that contributed to other issues in itself, have not touched alcohol in over a year.

I realize even on here there is still most likely a whole lot of stigma and whatnot that this is some fake, made up issue. It most definitely is not.

I believe things happen for a reason and a series of events lead me to this and I am hoping I can move forward with a better understanding and find out what I can do to improve my future, while working on my relationships and social connections again, I've been pretty socially isolated with this truck project of mine which has been good and bad. I have a busy year coming up next year and am looking forward to hanging out with many of you, making new friends and connections.

I also hope to get my old YJ back on the road eventually as I've missed that and understand now how important that was for me to have as an option.
View attachment 163421

I’m glad you’re finding some relief! I too recently went down the ADHD path after decades of ignoring it. My Dr asked why I didn’t deal with it 30 years ago and I told her I felt like it was over-diagnosed and parents all just assumed their kids had it.

She tried me on some anti-depressants that have proven to help with ADHD but it didn’t help me focus at all. I’ve now been on the good stuff for a few weeks and I’ve gotta say I can’t believe “regular” people just walk around feeling this focused and energized. It’s unfair! Obviously drugs all come with unintended consequences but we already have plans in place to handle those the best we can.

 

[Kevin B.]

Figured I'd share a little something I've just recently learned about myself and my own struggles with mental health, for decades now I've had my ups and downs as I'm sure most of us have, chasing after a solution to my own depression and anxiety, antidepressants have never helped and create more problems than I want to deal with.

Thank goodness I did decide to get myself into therapy, I've done a bunch of counseling in the past but that only partially was helping. It didn't take long for my therapist to come out and say that I definitely have ADHD.

Now I am 46 and nobody has ever mentioned this outside of maybe some joking etc from siblings. I'm still a bit overwhelmed by this knowledge, I myself had my own misconceptions about it, I was never the disruptive out of control kid and no doubt the knowledge and understanding of it today is much greater than my youth.

After a phone call to my Aunt, she confirmed to me that my Dad (undiagnosed), her, my Grandpa, my cousins and now I'm assuming my siblings as well all have this to differing levels, I've got to be on a more high functioning, low to moderate scale if I had to guess but I am unsure at this point.

I still have much to learn and will continue forward with my therapist and now my doctor about where I go from here, I certainly already have a bunch of tools and good habits in place, started my day with around a 7 mile BMX ride along the weber river and probably bust out 4-5 more miles at work on foot, I'm switching over to more BMX and less strength training and at home workouts for now, maybe I'll consider switching to a mountain bike for longer rides.

This has given me a lot more hope than I previously had and as I learn more everything suddenly makes sense on what makes me, me. My behaviors, actions, inactions, coping mechanisms and habits all of it, I self medicated for a long time with alcohol because that gave me dopamine and dumbed down the racing thoughts temporarily, that contributed to other issues in itself, have not touched alcohol in over a year.

I realize even on here there is still most likely a whole lot of stigma and whatnot that this is some fake, made up issue. It most definitely is not.

I believe things happen for a reason and a series of events lead me to this and I am hoping I can move forward with a better understanding and find out what I can do to improve my future, while working on my relationships and social connections again, I've been pretty socially isolated with this truck project of mine which has been good and bad. I have a busy year coming up next year and am looking forward to hanging out with many of you, making new friends and connections.

I also hope to get my old YJ back on the road eventually as I've missed that and understand now how important that was for me to have as an option.
View attachment 163421

Welcome to the club! I was diagnosed ADD as a kid when school got boring and I stopped paying attention, but that never went anywhere. I barely graduated high school, not because I was dumb but because I didn't go to class, couldn't pay attention when I did, couldn't (literally couldn't) do my homework or turn it in on time anyway. At the time, that was all because I was lazy and just didn't apply myself - "waste of potential" got thrown around a lot, and that's what I told myself for years. I was re-diagnosed ADHD-PI about ten years ago (along with atypical depression), and it's explained a lot for me about why I'm the particular brand of ****ed-up that I am. I never did find a medication that worked for me either, but every couple of years I keep trying. Maybe some day I'll find the magic.

I've never had a "drug" or alcohol problem because of it, I self-medicate with caffeine and memes and mountain bikes instead. Exercise and the outdoors is a huge outlet for me, the brain fog and depression that creep up when I've gone too long without a bike ride or good hike can be almost crippling. Sounds like you've noticed the same.

Post up here or feel free to PM if you wanna chat or just bitch about it. I haven't noticed much stigma at least here on RME, I've mentioned it a couple times and if anybody thinks I'm full of shit they've had the courtesy not to say it to my face .

 

[JeeperG]

Thanks for the support, I'm glad I'm not alone here, there's a whole load of different varieties I'm finding out. I slipped through the cracks until now probably because I did do well enough in school, wasn't disruptive, never got in trouble, grades weren't super terrible, I did however move a lot which affected my personal relationships and social skills a bit.

I do tend to be distracted or I can be highly focused on something, I can also be forgetful. Other issues I have are cutting people off in conversation or being brutally honest especially when angered but I can also be quiet, calm and collected especially in chaos.

What really triggered me to get into therapy was an unexpected breakup, my brain has not shut up since, it's certainly much better and now I have an answer as to why, I don't work like everyone else says I should.

I don't feel I need to address depression and anxiety with antidepressants, some of that I think comes from not addressing this issue. Depression is mostly gone and anxiety is minimal, I think the amounts I have now I can deal with and it somewhat drives me.

I also changed jobs around that break up and went from a highly physical job to a desk job, this spun me out more in my head not getting rid of the "piss and vinegar" I'm always on the go.

Still yet to be determined on if I do any meds but exercise, diet, meditation, journaling, coffee and breathwork are part of my daily life.

 

[nnnnnate]

I wish I could handle life without adderall but people don't want to be around me even more when I miss doses. Whenever I'm in a particularly bad mood the first thing my wife asks is if I took my meds. This doesn't help because I always take them.

My older brother and sister don't have attention issues so my parents didn't know what to do with me when it came up. My dad assumed I just wasn't applying myself. I still remember redoing my geometry homework from jr high on the kitchen table while my dad watched. It wasn't neat enough, my handwriting was sloppy, and I didn't organize it well enough on my page. The math was right, everything else just wasn't.

I can't be into more than one thing at a time. If I try and focus on exercise I can't handle doing anything else. If I do my wood stuff, I don't have time for the gardens or exercise.

 

[JeeperG]

Thanks for sharing. I'll find out how bad I really am but I certainly have functioned for 46 years now and did okay.

I can have multiple projects going on at once going back and forth, sometimes I'm determined and can hyperfocus on a single thing for a long time. I can get frustrated fairly easy as well.

Something I read earlier is it's like your brain has a browser open with 37 tabs, some of the pages aren't loading and you just give up?

I'm like my dad, I collect hobbies? Dad would get interested and start getting good at something and then stop and move onto the next thing.

Another Distracting Hobby Dead?

 

[Kevin B.]

I can get frustrated fairly easy as well.

I laughed when my therapist first hit me with this, but I'm a perfectionist. I move from project to project and hobby to hobby because I dive into something interesting head first and it's a mad scramble for a couple days or weeks and I'm all excited and invested... and then I get to the point where I've hit a couple snags and I can see where it's going and it's not where I wanted it to go and I don't know how to make it go where I want it to go, and I get frustrated and lose patience and wander off. So many unfinished projects. So many hobbies I got half-good at before I got bored.

I'm getting better about it. I've learned that I need to set definite goals for what I want to get out of a project instead of letting it creep out of control, and that I need to learn to be happy with what I'm able to accomplish instead of comparing myself to wizards (like some of the guys here on RME - so much inspiration, but so bad for my self-esteem ).

 

[JeeperG]

I'm getting better about it. I've learned that I need to set definite goals for what I want to get out of a project instead of letting it creep out of control, and that I need to learn to be happy with what I'm able to accomplish instead of comparing myself to wizards (like some of the guys here on RME - so much inspiration, but so bad for my self-esteem ).

"Comparison is the thief of joy"

I always bust out a whole bunch of easy tasks, 5-10 minute tasks are completed almost daily. If I walk away from a larger task I don't beat myself up, I'll return to it at some point.